Listening changes young people. Good listening changes their mood, their brains, and even their souls.
I couldn’t be happier that our Holy Father and his brother bishops are meeting at this important time to talk about how to effectively share the Good News with young people. I’m ecstatic that they’re exploring how listening—something we can all do—helps and heals our young people.
The latest neuroscience research indicates when someone feels heard, certain reward centers in the brain light up and produce feelings of relief and pleasure. We’ve learned that active, empathic listening has the power to heal the damage done to the young brain caused by trauma.
As a counselor of adolescents, each day I sit as an empathic observer to the struggles, pains, and even joys of young people. I watch as listening heals wounds in their brains, hearts, and souls. I see first-hand how the experience of being heard frees them from negative, anxious, and depressive thought patterns and the bondage of triggers. I regularly observe my simple listening melting angry hearts and creating bridges between God and young people who’ve sworn him off. The experience of being listened to and heard reduces, and can even eradicate, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). All of this because a young person felt heard.
Jesus was the master listener. He listened by:
- observing people
- being present to them
- being open to what they had to say
- being vulnerable and allowing himself to be affected by what they said
- asking evocative questions and giving them a sense that he was genuinely interested in them and wanted to understand what they were experiencing.
These encounters often resulted in miracles manifested in the mind, body, heart, and soul.
You may well be thinking, “Wait a minute Roy, I’m not Jesus. I’m just a parent, a youth minister, a catechist, or a priest, grandparent, educator, or some other caring adult. I can’t work miracles and I’m certainly no therapist.”
Correct; you are not Jesus. If you thought you were, you’d need my services, so there’s some good news! But you are not “just” anyone. You are a child of God and by virtue of your Baptism have real power to work miracles in the name of Jesus Christ.
So, maybe you’re not a counselor, but the gift of counsel is not reserved for licensed psychotherapists. It is a gift of the Holy Spirit. You don’t need a license to listen well and allow your ears, eyes, and heart to be a conduit of God’s healing grace.
You care and that is a real grace. Do you know how many people really don’t care about what happens to young people? Whose hearts don’t break when they hear the stories of loss, trauma, drama, and tragedy? Who has little-to-no empathy for the struggles that adolescents face in today’s world? The fact that you care and want to help is a real grace. Take a moment to thank God for that grace.
During the next few weeks, I’ll be breaking open the process of listening and the skills needed to listen well to young people. As St. Thomas Aquinas tells us, “Grace builds upon nature.” You’ve been given the grace, but learning, developing, and improving our skills allow that grace to flow through you more freely and to greater effect.
I will give you tips, tools, specific language, and even questions that will give you more confidence in your ministry. Here’s a snapshot of the weeks ahead:
- What Listening Is and What It’s Not
- Why Good Questions Must Come Before Good Advice
- How to Let Young People Know What You’re Hearing Them Say and Why It Matters
- What Is Our Role after Listening?
If you have any specific questions about listening feel free to email me at roy@todaysteenager.com so I can be sure to answer them in the weekly articles. Thanks for what you do for young people and our Church!
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